“BABE”: Anti-Ageing Queen HyunA Turns Me Straight with Latest Comeback… AGAIN!

It’s time for my yearly gay conversion therapy Queen HyunA is back!

The baddest God girl of them all is currently slaying “BABE (베베)”, the title track from her sixth mini album Following.

Looking at the English lyrics, “BABE (베베)” is a stark contrast to the usual cockiness of a HyunA title track. Gone are the musings about HyunA admitting that “even my friends get jealous of me” or that she has “a better body than anyone else.” With “BABE (베베)”, the “Be Alright”-esque bop hears HyunA seductively moaning about the bewildering effects of love on your psyche, which is reflected in the verse’s fragile sounding marimba melodies; “an unthinkable me that I don’t even know, that you won’t even know” the former 4Minute member breezily whispers in the run up to the future-bass influenced chorus. “I am, Babe babe babe babe” she gleefully sings.

The best side effect of HyunA’s new bebe though? Their anti-ageing qualities! HyunA is aged “just 26, 26, 26” at the start of “BABE (베베)” before she rapidly ages down to “25… 24” while feeling “21”. HyunA then alarmingly starts defying every age law by turning “19… 18” and letting us know that HyunA’s namja chingu makes her as young as 15.

15?!

The D gave her an eleven year age decrease?!

Suddenly it’s time to throw out my Mizon’s Snail Repair Eye Cream, Benton Fermentation Essence and Etude House Moistfull Collagen Cream and catch me a man!

Or maybe… a woman? After all, HyunA’s comebacks have always been a very effective form of temporary gay conversion therapy for me (usually reversed by a Gikwang indulgence).

To me, HyunA is undeniably the hottest girl to exist in K-pop ever; with her glamorous hair, doe eyes and coy lips, HyunA is the quintessential K-pin up idol. From the aggressive hip gyrations of “Bubble Pop!” to “잘나가서 그래 Roll Deep”’s pancake twerking, HyunA has always kept me captivated, enthralled and… well, aroused if I’m honest.

Even when HyunA’s portraying a softer and more delicate version of herself (like she is with this 2017 comeback) I’m still utterly infatuated with her. There’s something mysterious about HyunA’s wildly sensuous demeanour which I find unavoidably charming and alluring.

Despite the major bops, a HyunA comeback is basically a very confusing time for me and my sexuality.

Queen of curing the gays, Joseph Nicolosi is shook!